Still trying to figure this whole daily writing habit thing out, in the meantime I will regale you with tales of my evening. No matter how uninteresting, or risqué, depending on how you look at it. Definitely will need to experiment with privacy settings, but for now I will be bearing all, if not for them, then for you.
After finishing up my writing prompt yesterday, I did some light reading of a certain book that discusses alternative romantic lifestyles. Which very much pertains to why my evening didn’t quite end the way my good friend, emphasis on friend, but also former flame, expected.
Former flame, henceforth known as A, and I got drinks, strong well ones at that, at a hole in the wall on Fairfax, specifically Blue Collar. I am not that big of a person so it hit me relatively quickly. We caught up, it’s been a couple of months, flitting around the idea of current and past relationships and expectations. I know for a fact that’s exactly the direction he thought we were headed this evening. He was wrong.
We walked off the alcohol by hopping over to Bacari’s W. 3rd location. He had never been and it is a picturesque venue, definitely sets a mood. To be clear, the mood was as much on the table as the shawarma tacos and caprese. But I wasn’t going for it. Just the tacos for me.
The night got progressively more flirtatious, at least that’s what I was told later on by both him and those I have since recounted the evening to. He walked me back to my car, I drove him back to his place, and then the dreaded, always half-expected question, “Do you want to come up?”
Oh boy, how to let this nice young fellow, who to be fair I did once have some kind of relationship with, down gently. Maybe too gently in retrospect as this little dance seems to recur every few months. Maybe one of these days I should stomp a little more on his heartstrings. But I’m not that cruel of a person. I’m hoping eventually he’ll just take a hint.
But maybe I am that cruel of a person. I do continue to agree to see A in semi-romantic settings. It would be understandable that he continues to miss the hint I am supposedly laying down. Perhaps that is on me.
But also he’s one of my final connections to my undergrad experience. I wasn’t great at making and keeping friends in college, and in a sense, A is a friend from college, he just doesn’t want to see it that way. I hesitate to cut him off completely for exactly that reason.
I drove home in a bit of a stupor. I definitely called a different confidante to complain about the outcome of the evening. They were less surprised, supportive but less surprised. They understood where A was coming from. They don’t blame him for picking up on the mixed messages I am theoretically laying down.
At home we dissected further. And then I went to bed.
Nothing quite yet to report today, but I’ll keep the page posted.
mbennwrites 