mbennwrites

When I last wrote I was an employed journalist with grand plans for an active blog and a wide social media presence. Then I got busy, with life and other semi-valid excuses. Since then, I’ve lost my job and moved home (impressive, I know), but also managed to make friends as a youngish adult (an actual impressive feat in a world where everyone is too involved with their phones to notice the world around them). 

So here’s to actually keeping up with this bad (good?) habit of writing. Perhaps it’s for fun, perhaps it’s to build a portfolio. I haven’t actually decided yet.

I’ve already explained my intentions for this blog, no need to repeat that. But I’m also still a bit unsure of where to start, so I may just ramble for a bit until I get my bearings. Clearly this blog will be written in the first person, stream of consciousness style. If that’s not something you’re into, then that’s on you. Some of the best works of literature are written this way. The Catcher in the Rye, The Stranger, Ulysses, to name a few. I’m not saying I’m at the level of any of these greats. But maybe this blog can help me get there.

So, what have I been up to? Not enough reading, writing or running, that’s for sure. But I try not to define myself by what I am not so much as what I have accomplished. And I’ve accomplished… Several levels of Upright Citizens’ Brigade based improv, the aforementioned friends (how I made them will be harder to describe), some middling bar trivia wins, a few brief failed relationships, a stint volunteering with my local library and… well that’s to be determined. 

Clearly, I am still trying to figure myself and my goals out. Right now a lot is up in the air. As a jobless twentysomething looking to find a job in either an industry with multiple ongoing strikes (entertainment) or a sadly dwindling trade (journalism), there’s only so much rejection one can take before becoming completely turned off to the idea of traditional nine to fives. Maybe freelance is the way to go. Or even just going back to school. Don’t know what I would necessarily go back for though. 

For you see, I would love to go back for an MFA at some point. But I have two major worries there, a) at the end of the day it won’t be financially worth it and b) that I won’t be creative enough to keep up with my more successful and fruitful peers. At my heart, I know I have some creative bones in my body, but I also know that the motivation to produce great works of art doesn’t permeate my soul the way it would need for me to be consistently successful (and on time with assignments). Yes, fear of failure would galvanize my writing process to an extent. But at what cost? At that point, what kind of work would I be putting out?

For now, it will be good practice for me to churn out a few hundred words a day. But see even there, “churn out” makes it seem like it’s a big chore as opposed to a creative pleasure. I know eventually it will become a habit, and maybe even an enjoyable one (if I don’t take another pregnancy length pause). But right now, it is a damn chore. I haven’t really written creatively or just for myself (outside of an ill-kept journal) in years practically. Sure I’ve written straight journalism here and there as well as having helped to put out press releases, but that’s definitely not the same thing.

How am I supposed to tickle my creative sensibility without seeming long-winded? We will certainly see. As it is, I’m beginning to get a bit long-winded in this writing. Hopefully I haven’t bored the zero readers I have at the moment with my semi-coherent ramblings. And hopefully tomorrow I’ll have more concise but still inventive thoughts to share. All I know is that I’ll have to carve out consistent time for the actual writing of it. Which may be harder than I anticipate because I do tend to keep more than a bit busy. More on that later. 

As of this writing, I am eager but apprehensive for the writing road ahead. But generally excited and hopeful. I’ve already had a handful of people suggest (to the point that it feels like they’ve collectively insisted) that I start a blog in my time off. Little did they know I already had one going. To be fair though I have several going, unfortunately many of them are now defunct. But that’s not the point. From here on out, I will do my best to post at least once a day. Not necessarily on the same topic every day, but hopefully consistently enough that it becomes a habit. And a good one at that. 

So can I really improve my writing skills and general outlook by a few hundred words or so a day? Let’s see, shall we?